Monday, February 04, 2013

Beyoncé Bowl & The Resurrection Of DC3

Beyoncé cemented her status as the greatest performer of her generation - and arguably of all time - with a triumphant Super Bowl show earlier today. I know I get carried away when it comes to my Queen but I crying and shaking like a stroke victim during the diva's 13 minute master-class in performance art. With all the inauguration drama of the past couple of weeks, it was such a relief to see Bey do what she does best - make your faves look second rate. But before I run through the many highlights, it's probably easier to get the things I didn't like about her set out of the way first. Because there are so few of them.

1. I thought the finale was a little anti-climactic. King B should have been carried off on a bed of wigs or something equally fabulous instead of standing there giving her thank you, so much! face.
2. As much as I love "End Of Time", this was an occasion for hits - not belated 4 promo.
3. Bey should have sang something off B'Day.
4. I'm not here for recycled Glastonbury choreography.

That's it. I have no other complaints. From beginning to end, the show was immaculate. I loved how there was just enough production to keep it visual without drowning the diva in unnecessary special effects and she tore up the stage like an athlete. All that dancing, wig-whipping and pussy-popping would put most artists in a coma but Beyoncé did it all in heels without missing a note. None of us are worthy!

Who else was fooled by the opening? I was sure we were getting "Run The World (Girls)" but B surprised us all by launching into a few lines from "Love On Top". Obviously just to remind bitches that she has the best voice in music. Take note, Alicia (off-)Keys. And then she did that "Crazy In Love" strut and I started screaming like Adele at Weight Watchers. I will never, ever get sick of that walk until the day I die! Oh and how brilliant was the stage floor? That gave me chills - it was Kylie's "Slow" on a slightly bigger budget.

One of the many things that blows my mind about Mrs Carter is the way she works her weave. I swear that thing has a life of its own! And props for the flawless choreography. It's easy to sound amazing when you're standing still but it's a completely different proposition when you're dippin' in low and pussy poppin' like a Vegas stripper. She even did the iconic "Crazy In Love" thumb lick and gave vintage Michael Jackson by having an unnecessary but completely awesome guitar solo.

Next up was "End Of Time" and I'm glad the song finally got its moment to shine. As I said earlier, I would have preferred something from B'Day - or at least a song that everybody knew - but it is a fucking amazing tune and that Glastonbury choreography deserved another spin. Still, it was kind of cheeky to rehash it. Almost as big a surprise, albeit a much happier one, was the inclusion of "Baby Boy". Seriously, I've been listening to her epic Sean Paul collab all afternoon. That shit still sounds as fresh today as it did in 2003.

"Baby Boy" was flawlessly presented - great use of the BBMA special effects - but the highlight for me was the resurrection of Destiny's Child. We all knew it was happening but I still needed a defibrillator when Kelly and Michelle jumped on stage. They looked so good together and those harmonies! Sweet Jesus! I've never been a huge fan of "Independent Women" but they absolutely nailed it. Surrounded by a ring of fire - no less. Please let this be a sign that they will reunite between solo albums!

This takes me to "Single Ladies". I laughed out loud when Bey literally turned Kelly and Michelle into her backing vocalists. I'm trying to turn the other cheek but that is such a shady, diva move! But, funnily enough, it worked brilliantly. They breathed new life into the song as a group and had fun with the famous choreography. Seeing them together on stage makes me sad that Ms Rowland and Tenitra haven't gone on to bigger things.

Kelly is such a professional. She nailed every move and hit every note. This woman shouldn't be releasing songs about cunnilingus to get attention. And the usual bitches took aim at Michelle for forgetting to whip her wig but she has always been the heart of DC3. There's something so awkward about her - like you know she'd rather be singing about Jesus than tawdry one night stands - that makes you want to give her a big hug. I have so much love for Shell and her two left feet!

I knew there would be at least one ballad and Bey saved it for the finale. "Halo" is probably my favourite song of all time, so I was sobbing after about 10 seconds. After a spectacular array of fireworks and special effects, it was nice that the last two minutes focused on King B's incomparable talent. She doesn't need that shit to put a show. Just give her a microphone. By the time she sang her final note, Twitter had collapsed and wigs had been snatched. Bring on the world tour!


Hasa said...

Must respect for being a honest fan and showing your dislikes too. Also spot on about Kelly & Michelle

noelster said...

was so enthralled by the choreo didn't even care if it was warmed over from another show. I loved that she didn't bring on a bunch of 'guests' and it wasn't heavy on pyrotechnics, costumes, jugglers etc. more than one fave placed an emergency order to their wig-maker tonite.

Adriana Kupresak said...

Officially had my first 8 minute orgasm, that is all.

Madonna said...

Madonna was better

Anonymous said...

It just seemed she wasn't giving her all

Anonymous said...

I think Bey should ve had Kelly n Michelle out there abit longer. I guess thats how it is whem u want all da spot light...... Kelly has a body like Bey now. She just gotta learn how to work it like Bey now.

Safiya Outlines said...

Yes, she was amazing and few things will ever be better then Kelly and Michelle popping out of the stage.

Me said...

The Thunder-Thighed Egomaniac was much better than the Pop Parahippus and Halo was great. The rest was crap and her treatment of Mz Smelly and TheOtherOne was terrible. What a shameless self centred hag she is!

Anonymous said...

Bey made a big mistake having kelly and michelle there they completely upstaged her and her LIGHT SHOW boring in my opinion Madonna was at least different (Yawnce) did the same old shit she always does.

ps. somehow michelle made b look like a hefer big mistake b big mistake.

Darkwing Duck said...

I was praying for this plastic, heartless, generic barbie doll to flop big time but I must admit it was smashing, particularly the DC parts.

Anonymous said...

"Crying and shaking like a stroke victim"? What a beautiful and relevant metaphor you illiterate typing chimp. Geez.

Sotres said...

I'm surprised you didn't compare Beyoncé's performance with Madonna's from last year. I guess that's your way to admit Madonna's half time show was WAAAAAY better than Beyoncé's... or any other artist for that matter.

Bruce said...

Kelly and Michelle popping out of the toaster was the highlight of my life.

The rest of it was just Beyonce trying to prove she was really singing live!

Anonymous said...

Beyonce can sing, and we like some of her song. But last night's trashy exhibition did not belong on family TV.

For those adults that want to pay to go see her show and enjoy - excellent for them.

Anonymous said...

Madonna beat Beyonce in the ratings... I guess we have our winner after all

Anonymous said...

Tranet's performance will remain the only one still talked about 10 years later, so Morguedonna and Bey stans can stop with the back and forth.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else see what Keyshia Cole tweeted about B's Superbowl performance?

"I think I was frightened to blink for a sec. Then Michell sung and woke my ass up from my daze! She always fuckN the groove up."


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AST said...

A - Give up the Michael Jackson comparisons already. It's not workin'

B - It's safe to say no one will ever be impressed by her "amazing ability" to never miss a note while continuously dancing around... ever... again. What was once suspect, officially reached validation.

A non-delusional, non-psychotic, non-Rihanna-fan